East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
