rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
