i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
