Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its about making memories worth repressing
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He did a backflip because drugs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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