she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
