can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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