We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
