i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
