Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
