I'm really into asian looking animals
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
