Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
