Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
