I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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