"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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