I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
