I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
