apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
