Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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