just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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