just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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