people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
