she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
