yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
