Little spoons don't ask big questions
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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