i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
