I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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