friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
