Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
