today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
