And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
