I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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