did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
In America we eat man semen.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
