i jhust puked up my retainher.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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