i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
