We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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