wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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