pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
