I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
