I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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