Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
don't judge my taste in strippers
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
