I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
