I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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