I am in a vortex of obligation.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
