soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
