too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize