My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
