Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
