Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize