I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
