i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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