Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
