Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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