even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
