Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
