I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
