JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I want her autograph on my taint
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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