"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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