even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i drank out of a bidet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
