I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
