whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize