No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
