I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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