It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
