Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
