I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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