I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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