So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have demons in me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
