I'm so fucking centered right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
