Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
