He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
