just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
