He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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