They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
