New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize