Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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