i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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