dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
two words: eviction party
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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